I'm Just Trying This Scissoring Thing

Hello and welcome. I feel like I have lured you here under false pretenses. Well, maybe false pretenses is a bit of a stretch, but here me out. 

A little backstory before we get into the nitty gritty of the thing. I'm a very forgiving person, or I at least try to be. Growing up, I could hold a person in my heart for years. Heck, I once kept a grudge with an old woman for years because of ice cream. There were no limits to my pettiness. Luckily for me, I came into myself as a Christian and started letting a lot of things slide. It also meant that whenever things hurt me, I push it to the deep corners of my mind, because realising something hurt me means accepting I'll have to do something about it. Sometimes, the thing is bringing it up with the person, or actually taking a decision like removing the access they have to you. These actions seem so serious, so tasking and mentally draining, so I avoid it.

T came into my life and brought this whole concept of “addressing things as they come up” and another concept of “denying certain people certain types of access to you as consequences for the action and inactions they carried out towards you”. It's stress, but it means that you end up having a lot less on your chest. I tell them about situations that have happened with people and they try to stay neutral in the advice they give me (which is hard because they're deeply in love with me, so their brain sometimes doesn't know how to process things properly in regards to what causes me pain), but it happens.

So, basically I know we all wait till the New Year to start cutting people off (scissoring), but I guess I'm trying to get ahead of it. There are a lot of repressed emotions in me in regards to my dealings and relationships. It is okay for me to recognize that my relationship with certain people has changed. It's not a bad thing, but rather, a thing I just have to accept. They've hurt me and I've hurt them and it's time for us to leave each other's lives or reevaluate the nature of our relationship. Some things are resolvable and we'd talk about it and try to fix stuff, but others might just be. 

I think another reason why I'm starting now, is because a lot of things have happened and it's making me reexamine some areas of my life. There are a lot of changes happening in my life and it’s forcing me to make a lot of other things happen faster and a lot of things get moved to later dates. They stole my phone and now I have to get a new one. I got a thing at work which means more money but also more work. More work means being in Lagos way more than I did. It means moving houses of my family and seeing my friends more often. I got my driver's license now, so I have to actually use it. NYSC sometime soon. Like, life is just going way faster than I think I can catch up to. T says I can do it, but it feels like where I want to be is too far for me. I'm trying sha. With all of these many places tugging me in different directions, it means I have to figure out if the people I'm making all these sacrifices for are worth it. Can't be losing sleepless nights and money over people who aren't worth it. I have a lot I can use all that time and money to do.

As I am making my list this year of people I want to give gifts to, it is a lot shorter than the first couple of lists I'd made. I'm reaching out to people and having tough conversations. I'm trying to work stuff out. I've rediscovered the concept of spending time with the people you love who love you. B is currently suffering. I got a new lip stain and I look fantastic so I've been showing myself off a lot. I also love kisses, so B's face is permanently plastered in my kisses. I think it's a great accessory and it has greatly improved my mental health. I strongly recommend (but find your own B, this one is taken).

All in all, while scissoring is kinda difficult to get into the first time, when you find an angle that works for you, it'll be much easier and you'll definitely feel really good when you're done. I recommend it 100%.

Anyways, now I'm here, in my grandma's house in Egbeda, trying to figure it all out. Lmao I'm literally just a girl?

I won't lie, I haven't been able to watch or read a lot of stuff lately because I'd been in a wonky mood cough depressive episode cough and I was tempted to spread out the few things I'd watched over the next couple of weeks so I can avoid watching anything, but no! I decided to dump it all on you. It'll ginger me to watch something new. So, let's go. I will describe how these movies made me feel and then if you choose to watch as a result, so be it.

Why Him? (Movie)

T and I watch each other's favourite movie together from time to time. Why Him? is their thing and I watched to understand the kind of humor T enjoys. I see why they like it, I love it too. I never finished, because I'm lazy, but it makes sense why T wants to sleep with me. I'm funny af.

Big Mouth Season 7 (Animated Series)

I'm going through changes!!!!!!!! I love Big Mouth and its accompanying Human Resources show very much. I love how much they don't take themselves too seriously. Constantly breaking the fourth wall and their stupid jokes while trying to show the inner workings of the human body and mind. Plus, they brought Megan Thee Stallion in for this season and I wanted to see. Lupita Nyong'o also voiced a character there and it was fun!

Gen V (Series)

Anyone who scrolls through my Twitter can see I'm a huge Gen V fan. I also am a major Marie and Jordan shipper. I watched this show religiously every week. My heart will be beating like it wants to remove from my chest, but I'll sit there everyday and consume it. I haven't watched the final episode because someone on my tl on Twitter spoilt it for me, but when I do, I will have to sit and meditate on it. Also, you don't have to watch The Boys to watch Gen V. I started watching season 1 of The Boys and I stopped at episode 3 or 4. Anyways, I got enough gist and it povied a LOT of context for Gen V. T doesn't hate spoilers and they haven't watched Gen V but they have wactched The Boys. So when I explain a Gen V episode to them, the tell me how it links to The Boys. So if you're lazy you can get yourself a T. Not this one though, this one is mine.

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake

When I'm seriously in my delulu era, I read historical romance, harlequin and Nora Roberts. I inject it into my veins and use the adrenaline to power through life. It allows me to romanticise my life. With things like “we placed a bet” “woman disguising as a man” “enemies to lovers”, “dueling for honour” and “rake” I was up like mad. God bless delulu fueling romance writers and lovers that bring words to life.