Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us. Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to us. I refuse to believe I’ve been writing this newsletter for a year. Even knowing I’ve been doing this for a couple of months is ridiculous. Then I realised I started this newsletter while doing my university clearance and now I have about four months of NYSC left. Crazy things yeah? Insane.

First of all, I want to say a huge thank you for sticking with me through this journey. I don’t care whether you joined a few hours ago or since the very first newsletter, all that matters to me is that you decided “I fuck with this Itohan babe”. Crazy (new drinking game: take a shot whenever I say “crazy”).

When I started writing this newsletter, I mainly started writing it for myself. I needed a way to express things I struggle with and I felt that if I helped someone else along the line, it would be even better. I had this huge elaborate plan for our first birthday, then life happened and I reminded myself that I do not need to tie celebration to a big event. Don’t get me wrong, we should celebrate as much as we can whenever we hit milestones or achieve goals, but we don’t have to celebrate only when we hit those milestones. If your celebration is delayed, it doesn’t make it any less of a celebration. You know what the thing means to you, so do as you see fit. For example, my birthday is in a couple of days and I know how I wish I had spent it, but I know how I will spend it. Instead of concentrating all of that joy and love on one day, I am choosing to spread it throughout the days. I may have been born on one day, but I have been alive for many days and I will celebrate as many days as I can. It’s all tied to my birth anyway. If I wasn’t born, would I be alive on those days? I will celebrate our one-year birthday as long as possible. Eventually, I will cross all of the things on the list.

You may be wondering what these intense and serious things are and I wish I could tell you all of them, but one thing about me is that I love a good surprise (Suspense might as well have been my middle name with how I move). However, I may be many things (homewrecker, cheater, and all-around evil spirit), but a benevolent queen is also on this list, so I will tell you something for free and that thing is that I have read every single newsletter written. You may think that’s not a big deal, but I have the memory of a fish about to die, so I have to remind myself constantly of the things I have said. Before I start talking about how much growth I and this newsletter have had, please take a deep breath and try to remember where you were on the 15th of July 2023. Open your Snapchat story if you must, but it is important to know where you are coming from so you can truly appreciate where you currently are.

Have you figured it out yet? Have you realised the difference between the life you lived then and the one you are living now? You’ve probably turned a new age in this period, you’ve handled certain situations differently. You’re you, but you with certain improvements and updates. How does it feel? Knowing that a situation that happened this time last year will not be handled in the same manner if it were to reappear this year? Do you like it? Do you revel in it? If you don’t, you should, because I think it is amazing how much growth you have achieved. Like I told a friend today, “You are like a flower growing in concrete”. With all the adversity life throws at you, you still thrive. It may not be as fast as you want, but it is happening even with all the things in this world. Through wars, genocides, capitalism and laws out to get you; you thrive and that should mean a lot to you.

One thing the pondering on this one-year birthday has revealed to me is the importance of looking back and how it helps shape where we are. When I was reading old newsletters, I gained some clarity on a current situation from the very first newsletter. There, I talked about beginnings and newness and how you don’t need to have everything in place before you start. There’s a project I am working on (yes, another Itohan project. Crazy), but I was telling my people that I can’t start because I don’t have everything perfectly planned out yet. Then, I read my words about new beginnings and I realised that I don’t need to have everything perfect, I just need to start and so, I have started. I won’t tell you what it is yet. I may before we clock two though, let’s see first.

Another thing I learnt from my past is to trust my instincts. Last year, I was madly in love with Hassan, and although I still care for the fool, I should have trusted the part of me that said she did not want a relationship till she sorted certain things out. Why? That part of me is still vocal and extremely loud. She’s made me come up with non-negotiables that I am trying to force myself to stick to. I deserve the best I can get and that means putting my best foot forward and listening to the words I have to say. A year can change a lot, and this girl is moving from being in love to staying single till the end of the year by the grace of God. If I default and find myself in a relationship, know that it was more than me and respect me in that trying time. Thank you.

This one year is not just about this newsletter, it’s about me and you and all the things in between. It’s about change, growth, increase and decline. It is about trying to understand the person that we are and trying to navigate the ever-changing world. It is love, loss, pain, joy, lessons and debauchery. It is finding ourselves and losing that which does not serve us. It is the perfect way to realise we are a year older now; not just in age, but in self. Thank you for sticking with me, I can’t wait to see all the crazy things we come up with together. I love you. Know this, know peace and know life. Till next time, from the house in Ogun state to my ex’s house in Lagos to my room in Egbeda. It is very fitting that I wrote this newsletter in all the places that were fundamental to our year.

My older and wiser tip for the day is that you do not need something to justify a celebration. You can celebrate simply because you choose to. Every day is enough to book a hall and throw a fantabulous party. It doesn’t have to be because you finished a course or a class or whatever. Tying celebrations to achievements makes it seem like even though you want it, you have to work for it and that’s not how it should be. Have fun, celebrate, enjoy yourself. It is enough that you exist.

Heartbreak High (TV Series)

One thing I absolutely adore is shows that focus mainly on relationships. Not just sexual and romantic ones, but friendships as well as parasocial relationships. I am obsessed with people and I love shows that focus on people and their relationships. Heartbreak High is one of such shows. When I was trying to explain this movie to T, I said “This show is like Sex Education, but Australian and better” and I stand my ground, you can quote me anywhere. In fact, I’d say it’s a bit of a mix of Sex Education and On the Block. There’s gang history, queerness, relationships and a school full of sexually curious youth. It’s amazing.

Amerie and Harper are two best friends who create a sex map that tracks the romantic and sexual relationships of everyone in their year. Unfortunately for them, the map is discovered, but something even more scary challenges the course of their friendship. Look, I’m in season 2 and it is crazy and I need everyone and their dad to tap in and experience the awesomeness that is this show. I may not be done with the season I am watching, but I genuinely can’t wait for season 3.