I'm Just in Need of Definition

One thing that's been consistent here is a lack of a defined intro. I say some things in the beginning and by the middle you kind of get the point of the newsletter and then by the end you're a bit confused, but it makes sense. Well, I at least hope it makes sense. I think that also explains my life perfectly. Someway, somehow, it makes sense. I love going with the flow and just figuring things out along the way, but even in uncertainty, there's understanding and knowledge in where I am headed. Sure, some people take the direct flight from Lagos to London, but sometimes you take a bus to Ghana, board a plane to Doha to stop over in France then take a train to London. It may be all over the place, but I understand it.

To understand, something needs to be defined. You need to know what exactly something is before you can understand it and the role you play in it. I've spent a huge chunk of this year reevaluating my friendships and how precisely I engage with people because I've felt the situations those people and I had found ourselves in weren't defined. I called someone a friend of mine but how they practiced their friendship was not something I had thought of and it had left me feeling hurt more times than naught. That's when I realised that we may have agreed to a friendship but we didn't define the terms of the friendship. When I placed the information I had gathered against the information they had given to me, I decided we had different definitions of what constituted a friendship of that level and it gave me the information I needed.

Heck, it’s not just in friendships or romantic relationships, it is when your manager gives you a task you do not understand and you have to ask them to spell it out for you. Why? Because if they do not, you will do nonsense that could have been avoided if you just asked for definition so you can understand. Living a life where you do not know they “whys” of the situation is a life that will land you in more trouble than you would like.

Sometimes, you may not be on the receiving end of the definition. Sometimes, you have to define it for someone else. There was a time I fell in love (honestly, when do I not) and I thought the person and I were on the same page. I offered love, but could not promise structure and togetherness in the way of a closed relationship. I thought she knew this, but she didn’t and it led to a fallout I don’t think I have recovered from (I have not). Even when I get over my pride and text (something I should stop doing because I hate myself after) and we try to talk about it, it seems impossible to talk through because it is hard to redefine something that has already led to a misunderstanding.

When things are especially murky and we refuse to ask for definition it is mainly because we are scared the answer we may get might not be something we like. This leads to us having a false sense of security. False because deep within you, you know something is not fully right. That all the i’s haven’t been dotted and the t’s haven’t been crossed. You expect the worst at every and any moment because you know you're scared of an answer you don't like, but why? A “no” today is better than a "who sent you message" tomorrow. Definition grounds you and if you’re someone who is constantly anxious and a rabid overthinker, then you need things to be defined.

Have the conversations no matter how difficult it may seem and ask for them to break things down for you into clear terms. It could be a job you do without a contract, a friend-with-benefits situation, a relationship where you both call each other “wives” and your chest gets tight on random days because you’re constantly on the edge of “what if it is all in my head” (this one no be meme o), a person you have feelings for and you both keep skirting around whatever it is you both are doing, a friend you don’t feel you’re on the same page with or an ex that you’re trying to be friends with. Just ask. You need to understand and one does not understand without knowing. To know is the first step to understanding, enlightenment and freedom. Freedom because your heart, soul and mind are no longer tied down to the shadows of the unknown.

Definition is what allows me to write newsletters and for that I am grateful. If you want to see me break down more concepts, you can subscribe by clicking this button. Otherwise, consider this me signing off from my bed in my grandma’s house while snacking on Chupa Chups sour belts.

My older and wiser tip is to not ignore the pain. There might be a part of your body that hurts you in a way you might not be able to explain, but you should not ignore it. Heck, the pain might even be coming from emotions in your heart. Wherever it is, you need to get to the bottom of it before you’re lying down on the floor in pain one night.

There are a couple of forms of media that have saved me and because I want to find more fun things to immerse myself in, I’ll give you a breakdown of all of the things that held me together and tore me apart

Jujutsu Kaisen (anime and manga)

I finally finished JJK and I just want to say that Gege Akutami was not loved growing up because if he was, he would have given Suguru and Satoru a happy ending. One that THEY SO FUCKING DESPERATELY DESERVED!!!!! I can’t wait for the Culling Game arc of the manga to be animated because I need to see Maki beat some niggas in 2D.

Banana Fish (anime)

A couple of days ago, I was talking to my coworker Betty and she mentioned Banana Fish and how sad of an anime it is. I decided to watch it because I had some pent-up emotions in my chest and I needed to let them all out and I will never try something of that manner again. I cried for one hour straight and was convinced I was having a mental breakdown. My eyes were red and puffy and I could not eat. Even just thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes. Nobody on Earth has suffered more times than Ash. He’s just a baby omg? Like why did they try to take his life so many times and the end? Let me keep quiet before I start crying again. I have been through enough.

Adedamola (album)

Fireboy’s mouth has to be aching him because I have listened to this album more times than I drink water in a day. It’s my go-to album for any drive I decide to take. Heck, I’m listening to it while I write this (Everyday is my favourite song on the album)

Short n Sweet (album)

Sabrina Carpenter did her big one with this album and she’s currently doing an even bigger one with the tour. The concept? The songs? The fashion? The sex positions? I love them all. I don’t know if I should pray for the stupid men who inspired the album or I should curse them for putting my queen through all of that.

Also, if you’re tired of my bullshit, don’t worry, there’s an escape route. Click on this button and you are free!