I'm Just a Not So Great Friend

Hey, and welcome to my very first newsletter as a 22-year-old. My birthday was on the 18th of July, but sometime in April, I made plans with my friend Jam on how I’d celebrate my birthday. I planned a whole photoshoot concept about dying and being reborn complete, as well as getting braids done for the first time in 4 years. The idea was for it to be a week-long celebration from my birthday up until I saw the Barbie movie, but none of those things ever happened.

First of all, I shaved my head a couple of days before my birthday, so no braids for me. I also ended up spending my birthday with my parents, which meant no photoshoot and definitely no Barbie movie because we live in a town without a cinema. The last leg of my problem was that I had to erase my phone on my birthday. I lost all my pictures, videos, apps, numbers, and everything else. I hoped that since it was my birthday, I’d get a lot of calls and texts and would eventually get some of the contacts again. Unfortunately, I didn’t. What I did get, however, is the realisation that I’m not as great a friend as I thought I was.

Sure, the realisation didn’t hit me that day or the next day, but it hit me when I stumbled across a tweet from Oloni. The tweet said, “What’s your friendship flaw?” and it got me thinking. My friendship flaw is that when things are going extremely bad for me, I distance myself. Why? Because I’ve spent a large part of my life being the friend that was only included on the bad days and never the good, I tried to make sure I didn’t subconsciously do it to other people. However, if you live a life like mine where there are hardly any good moments, you end up being distant and girl, I am currently a very distant and cold bitch, but I want to do something about it.

One thing I am going to start with is reminding myself of this quote from my lover.

Your friends probably find you annoying, and they are probably tired sometimes from having to reassure you that they love you and will always be there for you, but they’ll still care. The same way they do things that make you put down your phone and take a very deep breath is the same way they feel sometimes too. It, however, does not make them not love you any less. If you need them, they’ll still be there for you and vice versace. That’s how friendship works, and the sooner you and I realise that, the better for all of us. I’ve been chanting this as a mantra, and I will keep chanting it up until I start reaching out to my friends again and making a conscious effort to be the kind of friend I want and they need. We’ll compromise and make it work because that’s what friendship is about.

Song of Achilles (Book)

So I’m trying to do something where I talk about a piece of media that I consumed that changed me. I am hoping that if I start this, I will hold myself accountable and will watch more things and read more books.

Anyways, the very first piece of media is the Song of Achilles. I’ve seen that book on Tiktok, Twitter and even Hassan has mentioned over and over again how much the book wrecked them. Tell me why even after hearing all this information, I carried my two legs to go and read the book. Did I cry? Absolutely! For the next couple of days, I kept shouting, “Ah, Achilles” and “Ye, Patroclus”.

It’s a story of love, friendship, adoration and pride. Of how two young boys, Patroclus and Achilles, came together under circumstances beyond them and forged a love so strong it caused and won wars. I don’t want to talk too much, so you are curious enough to want to read it yourself. Also, if you do end up reading it when you get to Chapter Thirty, I need you to play “Achilles Come Down” by Gang of Youths on repeat for dramatic effect.

Quick question: Will you prefer a long newsletter twice a month or a shorter one once a week? Let me know!