I’m Just a Girl Starting a Newsletter

You might think it’s a bit cliché that my very first episode is about beginnings, but honestly, what better place to start? One thing about life is that there’ll always be a beginning. The beginning might be abrupt, unplanned and a bit rocky, but it’ll exist.

We all start from somewhere, don’t we? But here’s the funny thing: even though you and I are so sure that there must be a beginning, we’re so scared of actually starting anything.

Starting something is more than just starting, it is realising that there is a middle and in some cases, an end. A fear of beginning is a fear of being mocked, of failing, losing, ending in shame, not being able to continue, and disappointing people that depend on and believe in you. In other words, it’s a lot. It is a combination of many factors that intertwine to form a web that binds your hands and feet and commands you not to move.

The majority of the things that scare you are unfounded, unproven, and easily discounted, but the first thing your web does is block your ears and prevent you from reasoning. So even when presented with the facts, numbers and graphs, fear wraps itself around you like a python’s deadly embrace.

We convince ourselves that before anything can begin, it has to be perfect, but who defines perfection? You? So when then will it ever be perfect enough for you? Because you of right now might think it is perfect but what about the you of tomorrow? The you after a glass of wine? The version of you that has just read an amazing short story and is convinced you will never write anything remotely good? If you spend the entirety of your days chasing perfection, your beginning might never come until the end.

Let me tell you a fun fact, I was supposed to start this newsletter last year but I felt it wasn’t the right time. Granted I was juggling school, work and being Nigerian, but I could have done it if I wanted to, and so because I didn’t, I chalked it up to not wanting it bad enough.

Then, I said I’d start in January of this year. I was planning to quit my job in May and I was done with school, but I never did. Granted, I’m ridiculously lazy, but I was also too concerned with perfection. How it would look, how people would perceive it and other such variations. Then one day, I just did. Said “fuck it” to all my worries about perfection and decided to enjoy it even though it is not perfect. Plus, rough beginnings make for better stories.

Basically, as philosopher Zinoleesky said, no matter how you start, your later will be greater (BARS) than your beginning. You will adapt and learn and move and grow. It’s how life works. It’s how humans work. It’s how you work.

Beginning things is hard, I can assure you. I almost didn’t date anyone this year because I was scared of having to open myself up to someone in that way all over again. Do you know how stressful relaying your trauma to someone new is? Having them learyour coping mechanisms while you learn theirs? It’s difficult, but it’s absolutely worth it in the end. Either you have the best relationship of your life or you get your heart broken and learn something new about yourself. All in all, it’s an experience you can retell later to your friends and to the love of your life.

Look, I’m an expert at beginning things. I quit my job and began my unemployment era, left school and I’m trying to adjust to no longer being a student, left a relationship and began a new one, started a newsletter and in a couple of days I’m going to be 22 and that’ll mean starting something new all over again. That’s why I believe to a degree I’m an authority on the matter. So if I tell you to just start it, it means you’re getting advice from an industry professional and not many people can boast of that.

So, take this as an introduction to who I am and what I do, or as an aspire to perspire. At the end of the day, I’m just a girl with too many thoughts and opinions trying to navigate life. This is my beginning, or at the very least, another version of it. Cheers to you and I can’t wait to hear all about the things you begin.

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