I'm Just a Co-Dependent Girl

Do you know Hassan and I are still talking? Last week, I was rolling on the floor in despair because we'd broken up and now, they're the first person I text every morning? Mind you, I have a roommate.

Speaking of roommates, my roommate is the best person ever. We've been rooming together for like three weeks and I’ve had so much fun with her. She's kind, silly, ridiculous, smart, and a consistent babe. We've learnt so much about ourselves from each other and I know we'll always remember each other with a smile.

I’ve never really had a roommate I wasn’t romantically involved with and it’s taught me that I love caring for someone. I clean the house every time she leaves and when I’m out, I’m always looking for what to bring back home for her. Things I have had to beg my brain to let me do for myself, I’m doing for someone else without batting an eye. Why? My best friend, Chidera, called me co-dependent yesterday. It wasn't the first time she'd said it, but it was the first time I thought about it.

Let me tell you some things I’ve learnt about myself;

• Every time I've excelled in my career or had career shifts, it's because I was in love with someone and I wanted to be able to afford very nice things for them. I got a new job because I wanted to buy something ridiculously expensive for Hassan. I've still not bought it, but when I do, they'll either block me or kiss me. Fingers crossed for the latter.

• I survived my project because I had people I cared for asking for a somewhat stable version of me, so I had to get my shit together.

• Waking up every day is a struggle, but when I had a kid to take to school every morning, I'd drag my tired self out of bed and make it happen.

• One of the reasons I’m particular about my body care routine is because I like my romantic partners going, “Wow, you’re so soft.”

• If there is nobody that requires a certain part of me, nobody to love and be stable for, my brain goes off; because, in my head, my existence is conditional. It is a response to someone else’s needs and wants.

Remember when I mentioned I was texting Hassan every day? Let me tell you what I told them.

Why can't I just be the best version of myself because I deserve the best version of myself? Am I not enough for me? Who am I when there is nobody? There are a lot of questions I currently don’t have plans on figuring out because it is a lot and I’m just a girl.

One thing I do know is that at this moment, I will keep holding on to the people. My brain is not going to fix herself anytime soon and I need whatever allows me to be functional. It might not be the best explanation or the most healthy, but it's what works. I'm a little co-dependent, but it's because I don't really like myself enough to try.

Six Times We Almost Kissed and One Time We Did (Novel)

Penny and Tate’s mothers are best friends, but the girls can’t stand each other. It’s not like they hate each other, it’s more like a secret third thing. When their mothers make a life-or-death decision that leads to the two girls spending even more time together, well… We finally get to the bottom of a lot of things. Including all the feelings and what happened in a motel room when the parents were not around.

Penny and Tate are just 17. They went through all of that at the young age of 17?!?!?! It's annoying. It's annoying because they were made to parent the people that gave birth to them. I dislike having children go through roles they are not supposed to take and reading it in this book made my eyes red, but I enjoyed reading it all the same. It made me feel a lot of feelings and if they ever made it into a movie, I'd weep.